ENGLIZ LEZZONS!?

I haz been TOLEDZ by meny PEPOLZ that my ENGLZSH is liek, NOT GOOD and I don't underSTANDZ WAI?!

Biutz the kindz peoplz at UK SOCIEZTY of GUD ENGLIZ SPEAKENG is giving me 1 WK TRAINZg courze for ENGRLZ.

So I will be GUNE for 1 WKZ to PWNZ sum LANGUA-DRAGONS.

See youz soon!

I willz be BARKEW LAREther wIfm MAORA! nein FreianT! KEAmp Reainda, Niae3 eor!

Toolz of t3h TRAEDZ [1]

Todayz I want to tellz you aboutz a guy dat waz in my familie, liek, A LONG TIEM AGOZ. He woz like, a dude whot hads sex wiffa girlz, then pops out one. And he woz a famouz DRAGON PWN'ZER.

Den dat guy is liek, pops out anuvver, and then it goez on for liek 30 tiems, and den a SPECIAL one pops out. ME. This guys is liek, my Great Great Great Great Great Great Gr8 Great Graet Great Great Great Great Great Great Groeat Great Great Great Great GRANFADDAH.

His naem was JOHN LAMBTON (JN_LBTN@Yahoos.cums.uk)

So liek in the MIDDLE AGES (Marchth of 4, 1529) there woz a HILL what was being BUTTHURTZ by a dragonz. But this Dragonze was specialz, innit he woz liek onnna dat EARFFwurms, but HUGIANMONGO. That iz Huge N' Giant N' Mongo at all the same time.

Diz is why dey callin' some Dragonz as 'Wuyurms' in t3h today ages. But N E WAI, he was totally li3k, Imma git on diz hillz, N' eat sum sheepz, cuz I am likin' t3h LAMBz. Esp. Babiez, cuz every1 knows that babies tastes liek chicken, and he RLY lieks Chickenz.

So Jhn Lamton was called Lambton cuz he made wiff da lambs. And he was liek, OMG, there iz this thing what eatin' mah Sheepz, and GODDAMN.

So he like went to this WITCHIEPOO HARRY POTTER bitch, n liek, he was totally "How what I does to do to kielz this damn wyumr?" (Their Engliz wasn't dat awezum liek today'z)

And the HErminonie saids, "Yah you juzt go and buy liek, 30 spearz, an' break them heddz off, and stick 'em on t3h shirtz, and maek a spikey shirtz."

And Lammtons was liek, "WTF, BITCH SPEARZ ARE EXPENSIBE."

But she also saidz, "You is needin' to killz sum 'a dat wyrmz, and then later, that god damn wyrmz will kill you inna fork, cuz it's like, CURSE UUUU."

So what he hadz to do woz liek, go n' get sumthin' to killz, cauze he was suppozed to kills the first thang he laied eyez on after killin' da dragonz, and killz that thing too, cuz w/e. If not den he will be TOTALLY CURZED. (Truth.)

So he makez diz ARMOUZ which is now called SPIKE ARMOR MK. I.

good armorz

And so he'z liek goes to the place, N fuggin' STANDZ DERE wiff his amroz on. And the Wrym is liek, zomg dat is one shit sheepz, and liek cruahses him. BUT ZOMG. HE HAZ ARMOURZ ON. So t3h wyrm iz like OWwowowowowoOWowowowowmotherfupwowowowowo, and DIEZ.

So he iz liek, I bringz this puppy to killz so I can liek, not do the CURSES. But den his father cuz he was stupid shithead, also came to WATCH t3h DRAGON PWNING. N den he saw his Dad. And he was like NO PAAA WRYYYYYYYYYYYY, n he can't pwn'z his own dad cuz that is just selfish.

So he is curzed instead, and the curze is that for 10 Genenerenenartions of peoplzz after himz, they will all diez horriblyz in the fields.

Not selfishz at all!!!!!!! OZOMG.

But I am OK cuz I am liek, generation 400, n I will die peazefully in my sleepz. Snore Snore.

bad armourz

So if you iz gunna go kill WYRMS, den you needz da SPIKEZ ARMOURZ. Remember How 2 DO it cuz it MIGHT SAVE YR LIEF.

Here iz a good Examplur of MODARN Spieks Armourz Mark IIIVIXI. They are REady to PWNZ DRAGONZ NOWZ!!!

T3H OriginNal Dragonz Slayrz

Back when before t3h Internetz was made, there was no PWNing. This is because PWNing was invented by Mr. Pwn in 1938 on March 3th.

So before that, what does they do?! What is they doing with t3h Dragonz if they can't PWNz them1?!

Well let me tell you about the original Dragon Pwn'r. He was t3h DRAGON SLAY'R.

B4 PWN

His name was SAINT GEORGE (KNT_GRG@Googlez.com) and he lived in the MIDDLE AGES (Last Thursday).

The story goez that he wents to Lybia, where all the women wear black cloth over their head or else they will be stoned by their husbands for being too ugly. He came all the way from My country, the United Kingdom, which is United with bits of string.

He was riding down Lybia Main Street to get some Pornz and sum Chipz, and then he found this guy which tells him that ZOMG his armours is SO shiny, god DAMN, and he muzt be damn powerful. Also he had a big sword so peoplez was like ZOMG SWORRRRD.

He says unto t3h Saint Gerogey, lookz, babyz, our townz is like, we used to has many women. Many girls to date and shit, but like, wow, This DRAGONZ is taken' em all aways and eats them for his supper. And liek, the king didn't care (King Billy) cuz they was not his daughters. Until there woz NO MORE daughters n it in the whole Lybia, so NOW the King is liek, scared. Asshole.

And they tried to give their SONS but the Dragon didn'tz liek the sons cause the sons don't go well with a 1984 Chardonay.

So t3h King is liek, ZOMG /RAGEQUIT and liek Saint Georgz is liek, I'll do it! I'll save yer daughterz! But make sure I can bangz her l8r.

And t3h King is liek, k, w/e.

So t3h next dai St. Gr. Is liek, go to the Dragon wiff his hoss and speer. And he took his spear and liek, ZOMG IMMA PWNZZZ SLAYYYYZ YOUZ. But then he chuck t3h spear into t3h Dragon and liek the separ is BROKENZ in to 20,00,00,000203,0023, PIECES cuz the Dragon is liek GOOD AT MATH.

So the Dragonz is also liek Rain Manz and he must count all the piezes, so he is countin' and then Sain Gero is liek, Imma eat this orange, and he eats t3h Orange. But it is HOLY ORANGE.

So he is liek, IMMA CUTCHA and he uze his shiv and cutz t3h Dagon, and t3h Dagon is totally SPLIFED. And li3k, he vomitz on the SAint, and he is like ow owo wowowowo ow but heeats another orange ans he is TOTALLY OK.

So he taeks his magic sword and stabbie under the armpit of the Drag on, and like, there is no chainmail under the armpitz, so the Dragon is like ow, shit, and then he diez.

Aftr PWN

So later St. George goes back to the king and like, "Bitch, I'mma rape you now", and the King is liek, "NO WAY HOSEAY." And so St. Jose George goes to Egypt and marries the bitch there.

And that is totally the TRUE ABOSLUTELY story of t3h ORIGINZLA Dragon PWN'Zer. And like, now, I am followin' in his bootmail steps cauze I too want to be a total awesome DRAGON PWN'ZER.

I will be telling you folkz about my DRAGONSLAYING activitivitices l8r.

Peace out, beotch.